JORDADDY
As you are7/12/2018 When I was in elementary school I remember struggling on how to respond to the question "who is your role model" or "who do you want to be like when you grow up". Other kids would pick celebrities or family members but I never truly felt I could connect with any of my options. Its not that I didn't admire them but rather I just knew I wasn't like them. I feel like from a young age we are told to look for role models. We are influenced into finding someone we admire and then attempt to follow their footsteps. I mean with social media invading just about every aspect of our lives how could we not gain these preconceived notations of how we should be? We chase after picture perfect lifestyles and personalities we never truly see the full side of rather than looking at ourselves and embracing what we have. It's okay to look at successful people and draw inspiration from what they do but too many times I find we try to recreate what we think we want. I guess in a sense it all boils down to the question of how well do you know and love yourself?
For so long I thought I knew who I was. I went through majority of high school thinking I knew what I wanted and knew who I was going to be. I suppressed all the things I didn't like about myself. I acted in ways I thought other people would like and I had a constant anxiety of doing something wrong. We live in a society where people question the unordinary. I am someone who is constantly having solo dance parties or saying whatever comes to my mind and making loud and obnoxious squeals. I do and react to things naturally without a filter and so many times I'm faced with questions from those around me saying things like "why are you so extra?" or "Jorden you're so weird". Rather than apologizing like how I used to, I now simply shrug and continue. If anything, I'll spew a little "I am what I am". The past couple months, as I'm sure if you've read my previous blogs you'll know; I've been working a lot on self reflection. I had so much anxiety of how I was talking to people or what I might do to offend someone or have them not like me. What I've learned is that we are all so caught up in the status quo. We shame our friends for making mistakes or doing things out of the ordinary rather that embracing the learning experience or loving them for their individualism. I am someone that cares very deeply for my friends. If someone needs something I try to help them as much as I can, my fault in this is sometimes split loyalty or caring for someone so much I refuse to acknowledge helping them is not for the better. I've made mistakes in doing too much for the wrong people but I know that if I was presented the same situation again I would do the exact same thing because in that moment I thought I was doing what was right. I am someone that is loud and creative and quirky and rather than suppress those things about myself I've learned to embrace them because they make me who I am and they are what set me apart. I embrace the good and the bad in myself and am accountable if the bad sometimes goes too far. I have mood swings, sometimes I gossip a little too much and god do I hate doing my dishes. While I can work on those things sometimes the best thing I can do is just be aware of them and not make excuses when that bad part of me gets in the way. Over the last couple months I've been stepping out of my comfort zone and really focusing on experiencing life. I bought a ticket to Hawaii on a whim with some friends, went to a reggae concert, booked a solo trip to Africa to visit a family friend, went to a rave, bought a hedge hog and have been seeing my friends and doing fun things with them. I've been a little bit of all over the place and rather than cheering me on people around me ask me why. Why have I been acting so different. Why I want to go on these trips. Why I want to go see music I don't even listen to. Why am I being someone they do not recognize. Honestly, why even question it? I'm having fun, I'm living my life. Putting myself in environments I'm not accustomed to has really opened my perspectives and changed me for the better. I've been exposed to so many different and lovely people. Each one holding a unique trait or the potential to be incredible. I see and meet new people from different crowds and I draw inspiration from them. I grow and I learn and I open myself up to different lifestyles and cultures and I celebrate the individualism of the world we live in. I wrote this blog today because I want to encourage people to live their best life unapologetically. I want people to learn about themselves and what makes them happy and follow through on it. Live your life and be yourself because being what others want you to gets you nowhere. Being like those personalities you see on social media doesn't mean you're better than others or that you have some secret figured out. You have the secret figured out when people can attack your insecurities and you can move on without a second thought because you love who you are. We are not perfect, we have flaws but the best we can do is embrace them and love ourselves not in spite of but rather because of everything that makes us, us. My name is Jorden Paige Blackwell. I am someone who thinks deeply and acts loud. I run from things that don't have an immediate fix and I fear imperfection or the idea of not achieving. I have resting bitch face and sometimes I face my anger with passive aggressive actions. I trust others easily and assume the best. I embrace what I can't change and I allow people to make mistakes and accept apologies when they come my way. I'm passionate and I care sometimes too much but I constantly focus on growth. I dance and I sing and I guess now I write. I want to travel and I want to live my life as freely as I can while simultaneously building it for the future. I'm great with long distance friendships because I enjoy moving around. I hate cooking, I love board games and cats are definitely better than dogs. I'm quick and witty but sometimes I gain a loss of words. I'm afraid of spiders and in five years I'd like to be vegan. I love reading and obviously the books are better than the movie but I will never turn down a Harry Potter movie marathon. I am what I am. Love yourself, embrace your imperfections and live your life the way you want to live it. -Jorden
0 Comments
Leave a Reply.AuthorJust another cranky 90's baby living in Las Vegas. Archives
January 2020
|