JORDADDY
Make your own Luck5/30/2018 I did not move out of my hometown Airdrie based on luck. I was not handed a perfectly made plan with directions on how to live my life and I was not handed the rewards I reaped. My plans were never perfect, my money I had earned all on my own was very limited and the sacrifices I made sometimes cost more than the benefit was worth. Whenever I travel home I constantly get told how lucky I am. I'm bombarded with questions on how amazing my life is now or how I do it. I guess my not so wise words of advice for you is that you get what you give. This may be the Vegas in me but you don't go to a casino with $5 and walk out with a jack pot. At least not usually. I dedicated so much of my life to getting myself out of places I wasn't happy in. I worked hard and I took opportunities as they came. Moving to Vegas has been a great experience for me and I love where I am but it didn't come without sacrifice. I left all my friends and family behind, I had a very lacking "Highschool experience" and I worked as much as I could and saved just about everything. It was barely enough. When I moved here I was jobless for 2 months. I knew no one except for my one friend from NYC and her family. I didn't drive, had no healthcare and I had no clue what I was doing. I threw myself into a life I didn't understand and it was one of the hardest things I've done. It was emotionally and physically exhausting and for months it felt like an up hill battle. I regret none of it. It has been hard but I wanted to leave the place I once called home and I made it happen. It was the best thing I've ever done for myself and I encourage absolutely everyone to at least do it once. I guess my point here is, is that if you want something don't focus on luck. Luck will not get you far. Hold yourself accountable and find out what you need to do to get what you want. Don't make excuses because you have the power to change the situations you are in. Work hard and prepare yourself for the hard stuff because things rarely go as planned and shit happens. As soon as you have all your ducks in a row something happens and you're left with a mess and back at ground zero. Create your own luck. Create a life you can love and enjoy and go after what you want. This your life and you are in control of it.
-Jorden
0 Comments
Lessons5/21/2018 You know I was going through the notes on my phone and came across a list I had made in on new years of all the things I had learned and well I thought for this weeks blog I would share some.
1. No one is going to make friends for you Looking back on this one is quite interesting because I thoroughly remember the process of figuring this out and how hard it really was to hear. All my life I thought making friends should just happen and if people wanted to hangout with me they would be the ones to initiate and ask. People would naturally come to you and make plans and life would be easy. This is false. Honestly I don't think I would have gotten this through my head if one of my close friends hadn't said somethings that seemed harsh at the time but totally necessary. They had told me that if I wanted to have friends I had to put myself out there and make plans with people. Everyone that I knew here had liked me all I had to do was put in little effort. This is something I still struggle with because out of all the insecurities I could have my biggest one is my relationship with people. I grew up with an idea that I was a consistent inconvenience for people and it really affected my confidence in becoming a part of peoples lives. While this may be a work in progress I've learned not to be afraid of asking people to hangout and go do things. If I want to do something then I need to have the balls to plan it and have people come. I'm happy to admit I've come a long way and I can definitely say I've made some incredible friends since. 2.Voice your appreciation. I cut off a lot of my feelings for a while and in a way that really inhibited me from really appreciating those around me. I didn't like people doing things for me because I didn't like owing people something or having them hold that thing against me. When I moved here I had so many people help me and I truly could not have gotten by without so many of them and none of them expected anything in return or ever made me feel bad for needing them. This was new for me and something I still struggle with is just accepting help and saying thank you. To anyone reading this that has become a part of my life since moving I want to thank you for being here and adding value to my days and making my life worth being happy about. Without knowing it you all have taught me so much and have really impacted who I am. 3. Know your audience. Another lesson that hit me harder than a brick to the face was learning not to air your dirty laundry. For some reason I have become notorious for being bad with secrets. I always have good intuitions and never do things in spite of or with the intent to cause problems but somehow I say things to the wrong people at the wrong time and everything gets complicated. I'm super open about my personal life but sometimes my life involves a lot more than just me so oversharing has become something I'm consistently working on. Without going to into detail and writing a novel for you all, people talk and words get twisted and telephone is a game we should leave in elementary school. So what knowing your audience means to me is knowing who you're telling things to and how they might perceive and react. Be cautious of what you share especially when it involves more than just you. 4. Don't keep things inside either though. While don't go around telling your business to everyone it is imperative you have at least one or two people that you can talk to. Keeping things built up is super toxic and I don't know about you but I don't enjoy crying for 45 minutes simply because my netflix show wouldn't turn on. Express yourself but do so to those you can trust. 5. A tough exterior won't save you from yourself. As I previously spoke about in my first blog post I spent a lot of years building a lot of emotional barriers. I became very defensive and while the words others said to me didn't hurt the things I said to myself hurt alot more than sticks and stones ever would. I had a toxic mindset that took anything I was slightly conscious about and aplified that insecurity to huge magnitudes that made me painfully antisocial and defensive. However no one would really ever notice because as I constantly heard things like " wow I wish I had your confidence" or "Jorden you're so full of yourself" One time I even had a guy tell me I was less attractive because I was "Overly confident". I put on an act that I didn't care and I thought faking it until you made it was the only way to go. I drowned myself in my own thoughts and catching my breath afterwards was a process worth going through. which brings me to, 6. Love yourself. In order to deal with number 5 I had to do a lot of self reflection as to why I created this image of toughness. I had to take everything I was insecure about and figure out why, then I had to confront the core of all of that. It was a long and exhausting process that I'm still dealing with but the outcome has been amazing. Every time I tackle one of my problems its like a load being lifted off and I'm finally starting to figure out who I am and why I do things and finally I'm learning to love myself and all the things that have made me who I am. Even if those things were hard to go through I am proud of the person I'm becoming. Lastly, 7. Everyone makes mistakes. We have all been there. We've said things, we've done things we wish we could take back and I'm sure we have all gone through our toxic stages. As young adults we are all trying to figure out the ropes. There are no blueprints on being happy and I don't know about you guys but if math class taught me anything its that you're never gonna get where you need to be without a little trial and error. Do yourself and those around you a favor and just let go of your grudges. Grudges are a waste of emotions and energy and the best way to move forward is to just accept. Shit happens. Best we just roll with it and continue. Anyways, those are 7 things I learned in 2017. Live your life with intent, appreciation, compassion, love, authenticity and most importantly, just live life for yourself. -Jorden Temporary friends5/14/2018 This morning I scrolled through instagram and saw all the kids in my hometown graduating from high school alongside some that were graduating from college. They post pictures with their friends they've know since the were 6 and their boyfriends they met in 9th grade. I go to work and I see how everyone around me has know each other since middle school and how they've maintained friendships for years on end that only get stronger. These are the people that will one day write wedding speeches for one another, they're the people that will one day be called auntie and uncle when they tell stories to their kids of all the dumb things they used to do when they were teenagers. They've been their for each others rebellious stage or for their first heart break and for that one or five times they got just a little too drunk. These people grow up alongside one another and see each other change into better versions of themselves. They are a community of friends that have become family and are the foundations of each others identity.
I grew up always jumping from school to school for no apparent reason. At 15 I moved away on my own only to return home and go to a high school in a different city than where I lived. I graduated at 17 only to move out of the country for a second time at 18. All my life I have been constantly jumping from communities of people never feeling like have found a place that I truly belong. I never got that group of people that have been with me through everything. Then again I never really gave anyone a chance to be those people. While a lot of the time I wonder what it's like to live a life surrounded by those that have known you since the start, I've been lucky enough to really love the people I consider temporary friends. Moving around I've gotten the opportunity to meet a wide array of people, each time I move I wind up with a group of friends completely different than the last. I've gotten to lean how different types of people think and how they grow up and I've learned how close you can get to people in such short period of time. Some of my best friends I met and left within one year of knowing them and they are some of my biggest supporters and greatest friends. While with a lot of people our friendship ends when I leave, however I leave with experiences and memories I wouldn't trade for anything. When I go through a heart break I will shoot my friends back home a text while I lean on the shoulder of someone I met a couple months ago. At my wedding my current best friend may not be my maid of honor but they will be their smiling from within the crowd just as I will do for them. The speeches being given will be from people that have never met one another and will cover completely different parts of my life from when they knew me. When I look back, I look back on memories filled with nothing but happiness as I remember the people I've met and became friends with, while I may not be able to recreate those memories ever again I can carry them with me wherever I end up next. I constantly live on the cusp of friend groups that will continue once I leave, I've learned that while friends may be expendable the memories you create with them are not . I see the the photos of people I used to know living their lives and growing up and I smile because I was fortunate to know that person at a specific time in their life. I was lucky to get to know them and I'm lucky to get to watch them move forward even if from afar. I may not be surrounded by people I've grown up around but I am filled with a patchwork of memories made with people I would have never met hadn't I put myself in the position of starting over. -Jorden here i am5/7/2018 If someone asked me three years ago what my biggest fear was I typically responded that my biggest fear was living an ordinary life. I was obsessed with this idea that working a 9-5 job and living in a house married with 2 kids and white picket fence was the worst thing that could happen to me. I dreamed of stages with bright lights, crowds cheering and luxury living. Three years ago I was living in NYC with six other roommates attending the Joffrey Ballet School, J&C program. I had left my home in Airdrie, AB to a city I felt had everything I needed. Looking back I took a lot for granted and didn't utilize being in a city with so much to offer. But at 16 I'm not shocked thats what happened. When the school year ended I went home with full intention on returning but as I've learned, shit happens. I never did return to Joffrey and I can't say I'm angry at how things have turned out. I'm 19 now, living in Las Vegas in a condo with 3 boys, working full time at starbucks and just starting out on my online degree in Mass Communication and Media. I moved here with the intention of becoming a professional dancer and attending audition after audition until I got what I wanted. Needless to say that is not what happened. A lot of things happened this year but what matters is I'm happy now. My life has taken a very slow turn into something completely different than what I imagined and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. Somewhere along the way of chasing this extraordinary life I dreamed of I fell out of love with myself. I put all my energy into surface creations and walls I refused to let people break down. I resented who I was without even really realizing it. I dug a grave and when I was all alone in a city I didn't know I fell in face first as soon as I thought I had everything going the way I wanted. The truth is, is that I needed to live this ordinary life because it is what made me vulnerable. You see as everyone does I've made mistakes. I've hurt people, I've been hurt and when I finally fell into the grave I was digging all the walls I've been building for years came down with me. Once the walls came down I was left with a version of myself I didn't really know. This version of me cared way too much, was sensitive and sad and alone and vulnerable. Nobody likes feeling that way but I also didn't like how I felt and how I acted before. So where was I supposed to go from there? I had forgotten how to love myself and I had forgotten how to love my life. Come New Years Eve I made a resolution to be accountable for my own happiness. This is exactly what I've been doing. I started with resolving my past issues and conflicts, along with recognizing the things that drove me to be the person I didn't like. I spent a lot of time reflecting on who I was and who I wanted to be and what things made me happy. Somewhere along the way I've managed to really appreciate the life I'm living. As ordinary as it may be. I'm only 19 and I have so far to go and so much to learn and plenty of mistakes to make but I'm going to do that while being a person I can love and living a life I can appreciate. I'm taking steps to live the best ordinary life I can live and be the best person I can be. I moved to Las Vegas to find my opportunity to be extraordinary what I found was learning opportunities and a chance to become a better me.
-Jorden AuthorJust another cranky 90's baby living in Las Vegas. Archives
January 2020
|