JORDADDY
Lessons5/21/2018 You know I was going through the notes on my phone and came across a list I had made in on new years of all the things I had learned and well I thought for this weeks blog I would share some.
1. No one is going to make friends for you Looking back on this one is quite interesting because I thoroughly remember the process of figuring this out and how hard it really was to hear. All my life I thought making friends should just happen and if people wanted to hangout with me they would be the ones to initiate and ask. People would naturally come to you and make plans and life would be easy. This is false. Honestly I don't think I would have gotten this through my head if one of my close friends hadn't said somethings that seemed harsh at the time but totally necessary. They had told me that if I wanted to have friends I had to put myself out there and make plans with people. Everyone that I knew here had liked me all I had to do was put in little effort. This is something I still struggle with because out of all the insecurities I could have my biggest one is my relationship with people. I grew up with an idea that I was a consistent inconvenience for people and it really affected my confidence in becoming a part of peoples lives. While this may be a work in progress I've learned not to be afraid of asking people to hangout and go do things. If I want to do something then I need to have the balls to plan it and have people come. I'm happy to admit I've come a long way and I can definitely say I've made some incredible friends since. 2.Voice your appreciation. I cut off a lot of my feelings for a while and in a way that really inhibited me from really appreciating those around me. I didn't like people doing things for me because I didn't like owing people something or having them hold that thing against me. When I moved here I had so many people help me and I truly could not have gotten by without so many of them and none of them expected anything in return or ever made me feel bad for needing them. This was new for me and something I still struggle with is just accepting help and saying thank you. To anyone reading this that has become a part of my life since moving I want to thank you for being here and adding value to my days and making my life worth being happy about. Without knowing it you all have taught me so much and have really impacted who I am. 3. Know your audience. Another lesson that hit me harder than a brick to the face was learning not to air your dirty laundry. For some reason I have become notorious for being bad with secrets. I always have good intuitions and never do things in spite of or with the intent to cause problems but somehow I say things to the wrong people at the wrong time and everything gets complicated. I'm super open about my personal life but sometimes my life involves a lot more than just me so oversharing has become something I'm consistently working on. Without going to into detail and writing a novel for you all, people talk and words get twisted and telephone is a game we should leave in elementary school. So what knowing your audience means to me is knowing who you're telling things to and how they might perceive and react. Be cautious of what you share especially when it involves more than just you. 4. Don't keep things inside either though. While don't go around telling your business to everyone it is imperative you have at least one or two people that you can talk to. Keeping things built up is super toxic and I don't know about you but I don't enjoy crying for 45 minutes simply because my netflix show wouldn't turn on. Express yourself but do so to those you can trust. 5. A tough exterior won't save you from yourself. As I previously spoke about in my first blog post I spent a lot of years building a lot of emotional barriers. I became very defensive and while the words others said to me didn't hurt the things I said to myself hurt alot more than sticks and stones ever would. I had a toxic mindset that took anything I was slightly conscious about and aplified that insecurity to huge magnitudes that made me painfully antisocial and defensive. However no one would really ever notice because as I constantly heard things like " wow I wish I had your confidence" or "Jorden you're so full of yourself" One time I even had a guy tell me I was less attractive because I was "Overly confident". I put on an act that I didn't care and I thought faking it until you made it was the only way to go. I drowned myself in my own thoughts and catching my breath afterwards was a process worth going through. which brings me to, 6. Love yourself. In order to deal with number 5 I had to do a lot of self reflection as to why I created this image of toughness. I had to take everything I was insecure about and figure out why, then I had to confront the core of all of that. It was a long and exhausting process that I'm still dealing with but the outcome has been amazing. Every time I tackle one of my problems its like a load being lifted off and I'm finally starting to figure out who I am and why I do things and finally I'm learning to love myself and all the things that have made me who I am. Even if those things were hard to go through I am proud of the person I'm becoming. Lastly, 7. Everyone makes mistakes. We have all been there. We've said things, we've done things we wish we could take back and I'm sure we have all gone through our toxic stages. As young adults we are all trying to figure out the ropes. There are no blueprints on being happy and I don't know about you guys but if math class taught me anything its that you're never gonna get where you need to be without a little trial and error. Do yourself and those around you a favor and just let go of your grudges. Grudges are a waste of emotions and energy and the best way to move forward is to just accept. Shit happens. Best we just roll with it and continue. Anyways, those are 7 things I learned in 2017. Live your life with intent, appreciation, compassion, love, authenticity and most importantly, just live life for yourself. -Jorden
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