JORDADDY
here i am5/7/2018 If someone asked me three years ago what my biggest fear was I typically responded that my biggest fear was living an ordinary life. I was obsessed with this idea that working a 9-5 job and living in a house married with 2 kids and white picket fence was the worst thing that could happen to me. I dreamed of stages with bright lights, crowds cheering and luxury living. Three years ago I was living in NYC with six other roommates attending the Joffrey Ballet School, J&C program. I had left my home in Airdrie, AB to a city I felt had everything I needed. Looking back I took a lot for granted and didn't utilize being in a city with so much to offer. But at 16 I'm not shocked thats what happened. When the school year ended I went home with full intention on returning but as I've learned, shit happens. I never did return to Joffrey and I can't say I'm angry at how things have turned out. I'm 19 now, living in Las Vegas in a condo with 3 boys, working full time at starbucks and just starting out on my online degree in Mass Communication and Media. I moved here with the intention of becoming a professional dancer and attending audition after audition until I got what I wanted. Needless to say that is not what happened. A lot of things happened this year but what matters is I'm happy now. My life has taken a very slow turn into something completely different than what I imagined and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. Somewhere along the way of chasing this extraordinary life I dreamed of I fell out of love with myself. I put all my energy into surface creations and walls I refused to let people break down. I resented who I was without even really realizing it. I dug a grave and when I was all alone in a city I didn't know I fell in face first as soon as I thought I had everything going the way I wanted. The truth is, is that I needed to live this ordinary life because it is what made me vulnerable. You see as everyone does I've made mistakes. I've hurt people, I've been hurt and when I finally fell into the grave I was digging all the walls I've been building for years came down with me. Once the walls came down I was left with a version of myself I didn't really know. This version of me cared way too much, was sensitive and sad and alone and vulnerable. Nobody likes feeling that way but I also didn't like how I felt and how I acted before. So where was I supposed to go from there? I had forgotten how to love myself and I had forgotten how to love my life. Come New Years Eve I made a resolution to be accountable for my own happiness. This is exactly what I've been doing. I started with resolving my past issues and conflicts, along with recognizing the things that drove me to be the person I didn't like. I spent a lot of time reflecting on who I was and who I wanted to be and what things made me happy. Somewhere along the way I've managed to really appreciate the life I'm living. As ordinary as it may be. I'm only 19 and I have so far to go and so much to learn and plenty of mistakes to make but I'm going to do that while being a person I can love and living a life I can appreciate. I'm taking steps to live the best ordinary life I can live and be the best person I can be. I moved to Las Vegas to find my opportunity to be extraordinary what I found was learning opportunities and a chance to become a better me.
-Jorden
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January 2020
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